Adapting When the Lights are Low

We all want to please our chosen partners. If you’re the open-minded type, then you’ve probably found yourself in bed with someone who identifies differently from you (and you really should experiment, if you haven’t. It’s the 21st century, ffs). With most sexual contact, there’s a mandatory navigation needed to properly “communicate” with another body. This can be difficult if you don’t understand what the other person wants and or needs. 

For example, I recently had a date with a boy who identifies as demisexual. This was new to me, so I had to do a bit of research. If you don’t know, demisexuals are somewhere between asexual and sexual; secondary sexual attraction (romantic, personal connection) over primary sexual attraction (looks, personality). 

While this doesn’t exclude sex from ever happening on a first date with a demisexual, chances are sex shouldn’t be your focus. Such was the case with my date—we only ended up cuddling, but guess what? It was nice, and I’m happy I experience it. 

Now, if I hadn’t asked the right questions that could’ve been awkward. Point being, make sure you’re on the same page. I identify as pansexual, so I’ve been on the other side. I appreciate when people make an effort to understand where I’m coming from. 

Awkward situations will happen. It’s important to remember that you can’t know everything, and that learning directly from people is much better than just reading a wiki. Not every nonbinary person likes to be on top, or on bottom. Not every cis-gendered queer man is versatile. And so forth. 

If you’re afraid to date a transperson just because you might say the wrong thing? Don’t be. Make an effort to get to know them, and for them to know you. If you’re afraid of misgendering a date by accident, you’ll probably be forgiven. We make mistakes, we learn. Despite what the internet says, people can be understanding and you won’t be “canceled” for slipping up, as long as you listen and learn. What’s important is that you treat the other person with respect, as a human being. 

Then maybe you can get laid, yeah?