Discovering your Sexual Self
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is classic. The psychological theory comprises the essential human needs for us to survive. Although many theories have emerged over the years, this one is still being taught at schools, and it became the basis for many studies. Sex is one of the physiological needs that we need to meet for us to function continuously. And since Maslow's theory is all about levels, meaning you can't go to the next stage if the base is still not satisfied. No, we will not talk about sex directly.
Before we can satisfy our sexual needs, we need to find out and discover our sexual self. I know for sure you know a single thing or two about sex - but how does it relate to you as a person?
Do you see yourself as a sexual being?
If you feel lost to these questions, we understand. We're going to ask you more questions - but don't get us wrong! These questions will be your guide to discover and unleash your sexual self.
- Think about your relationship with your body.
When was the last time you run your fingers on your shoulders? Neck? Tummy? Thighs? How about your sexual parts? Are you consciously aware of your body? If yes, what do you think?
Do you love it?
Everyone has flaws and imperfections. But despite that, do you still embrace your individuality? Some would just shrug it off and will probably say, "Meh. I don't know. It is what it is." This question is important to answer, as it will be your basis to get things done. Just like in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you don't expect to go further if you haven't achieved the first stage yet.
Do you take care of it?
Or, this idea doesn't seem to be interesting at all? You might be busy working on getting a job, studying or dealing with people. At the end of the day, do you give time for yourself? Taking care of oneself can be done in different ways, but being healthy is one. 
If you want to have a good relationship with your body, you have to be health-conscious. The drive to do things that are necessarily beneficial to your body will keep you alive. Eating healthy, staying fit through proper exercise, getting hydrated, and following a body care routine are just one of those.
What's your body image?
Now this one can be a little tricky. Go in front of a mirror and look at yourself. What do you see in the reflection? Do you like it?
Body image is about how you perceive your body. Focus on some body parts - do you mind having your left breast bigger than the other? Are you pot-bellied, and if yes, does that bother you? Your peach fuzz is growing again, does it make you feel bad?
Think about people you meet outside - models you follow on Instagram, celebrities you see on billboards, even your colleague that everybody has a crush on, do you compare yourself to them? How does that make you feel? Don't you like thinking about it because you get insecure?
We might have faced this challenge once in our lives... some are still struggling to keep it on themselves every day, and we are not encouraging you to think that way. Discovering your sexual self is about setting yourself free from all these worries. No one's perfect and even the most popular fashion magazines are still using photo editors to create beautiful but unrealistic shots.
- Know your story.
What's yours?
Look back to your past. You don't have to recount all the memories, just the things that are related to your sexual self. What experiences did you have in the past that can make you think as a sexual being?
When did you start feeling good about your body, particularly on your sexual parts? And mind you - some of us started at a very young age. Right? That curiosity which urged you to do something with your hands. That one night you eavesdropped to your parents' sexy time. That one time when you had a hard-on, and you felt weird. Take time to reminisce. Now, this may be a bit more personal... if most of your past encounters are traumatic for you - we refrain from bringing that back.
Let's go pondering about the next questions.
When was the first time you touched yourself?
Have you ever tried masturbating in the first place?
Did you feel satisfied afterwards?
When did you lose your virginity? (It's alright if you haven't yet.)
Have you become attracted to people of the same sex as yours?
These stories make you up as a sexual being. Not everyone has the same tale to tell, but surely, it's not perfect. Some might have probably messed up, committed mistakes, and got embarrassed that they bury it forever in their heads. But after giving yourself some time to contemplate, how did these experiences contribute to your self-concept? Are you happy? Satisfied? Disgusted? Inferior?
Whatever your answer is, we want you to feel powerful. You've encountered a lot along the way, and you're still here! Keep in mind that your past doesn't directly define you, but it's merely a reflection on how you evolved to your present self. Surely, some things have changed, right? Don't underestimate the small stuff! Progress is progress, and it's one way to grow as a sexual being.
Sexual self as part of your identity
After identifying our relationship with our bodies and knowing what's behind it - for you to go further, delving deeper is imperative. If you are thinking about getting involved in a relationship to ask help from someone, you don't have to. You can explore on your own and let it out! Remember that you're opening new doors to finding who you are, which means that there's no reason to hold back.
- You have to find out what feels right and what is not.
This is a huge problem for some. Some have probably felt what sex is like. Some touch themselves but it's just that - it just went on and on like that. Think about how you touch yourself, are you still getting into it? Is it still satisfying?
Remember the last moment you've had sex with someone, are there some things that turn you off? Or generally speaking, what are the things that you like and don't like about sex? Some people settle on how others define sex; how others define their sexual nature and do what they only see from others.
You have to do what works best for you! You have to make that taste work.
Focus on your body parts. Have you tried touching your other erogenous zones instead of focusing on one or two? Give yourself some "alone time" to feel your body. You can also change your ways. Aside from using your hands, why not try using toys?
Reward yourself with sex toys that will make you feel even sexier. These are not just tools to help you out - sex toys can enhance your experience. You can pick toys that are suitable for your needs.
If you're way too sensitive down there and vibrators are not a good idea, you can use a dildo of your preferred size and shape. If you're a man and you want more than just a fleshlight - you can buy a masturbator to do the work for you. Keep trying out new things. Know how your body will react and if it feels good, that's a good sign!
- Discover your sexual orientation.
Believe it or not… many people have experienced sex for the first time with someone from the opposite sex, and finds out that something’s not right. If you’ve been skeptical all this time, panicking is normal. Some people don’t want to entertain the question if they are sexually attracted to people with the same sex.
But we suggest that you ask the question to yourself. This may not totally define your gender, but it may help in discovering your sexual self.
- Seek help from the media.
We're in the digital age. You can rely on different media channels, that's for sure. We're in the stage where most people search for anything they want to know online. And this one is not an exemption! Look at how others do it. You've probably seen it in movies and porn. How does that make you feel? Have you been so hooked to reading erotica novels that match your inner desires?
Talking about your inner desires, do you have your kink? Do you have a fetish? How does BDSM appeal to you aside from the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey went too overrated?
There's nothing wrong with looking out for others' choices and preferences. As long as it helps you to express your sexual self, you can think about it and try it on your own.
- Share your thoughts!
There's nothing more liberating than letting others know about your sexual self. Others don't mean you'll tell the whole world that orgies turn you on... or foot fetish is a major red flag to you. You can talk about it with people you feel most comfortable with, whether it may be your friends, colleagues, or your lover for a fun time story. Feeling free to talk about your experiences without being afraid to be judged or criticized is the boldest move you can do in this journey.
We're all sexual beings, remember?
Final takeaway
Before you can fulfil your sexual needs, you have to know how to love, take care, and accept your body. After that, take time to experiment, discover, and figure out the things that best make you up as a sexual being. Weigh things over, compare, and contrast - in the end, it's you who will decide for yourself.
Refrain from pretending that you like something else just because everyone does.Be you. Be confident. Be proud of what you've become and becoming. Everything unfolds one at a time and remember to keep going.
Why is it important?
Discovering your sexual self will help you understand yourself even more. You can now avoid things that you don't like or things that might cause harm and danger to you. Most especially, sexual liberalization is an overwhelming reward that you can give to yourself. In this way, you can now easily establish a connection with others, including your special someone.